This is Happening.

It seems so long ago, it seems so far away ago;
Where the arrows of Jupiter cannot break the woven shackles of the hopeless,
I'm there and gone.
and the days flood all over again.


I have reached the full circle, and I am back where I had left off. It's not a bad thing by any means. I only wish I was able to do it sooner. I am reminded, though, that such expedited fortunes are reserved for the apathetic.

I don't feel the cold as much. The phantom scents are the only persistent reminder of that empty blue room. Well, that and a few notes of familiar songs.
I still miss him. At least that lonely graveyard returned one person back into my life. I cannot even reverse the memories and expel them into a visual construction. They are simply too destructive to release there. Even thinking about it for longer than a minute could be enough to let them inhabit my dreams. I want it gone for good.

It's getting there.

I was walking one day, and I felt like I never left. I found some old oil paintings, and they smelled like warmth and comfort.
I realized there is a gap in my sketchbook that no matter how hard I'd like to fill it with those missing memories, there will simply be no way to do it, or do it without shredding this puzzle piece heart.

I'll always remember rain, I'll always remember how gray the mountains made everything seem. I'll always remember cutting the puddles at night, the mist in the endless fields, the marsh and the shade. I'll always remember the signs that told me to leave before I even arrived.
The Black Dog omen still haunts me. When I awoke, I quickly rendered the beast. It's buried in my box somewhere. I think that's the best place for it.

I hope Winter will return this year to assure that things have been made right. I haven't much time left, and I don't want to be a ghost.

I apologize that this entry didn't make much sense from the outside. Insomnia tends to awaken more then just my physical being. That being the case, my fingers just follow step. I'll attempt to make a more coherent post at a later time.