'Unseen beauty, Joyless sight.'

Goodness, goodness, where has the future gone?

I have such anticipation for Spring. The trees will talk, and I am a little bit nervous about what [they] will say.

The moped has been giving me some issues. I was hoping to have RR done for Richmond, but I suppose the forces are telling me that it's not a good idea. Who knew crankseals could go bad on a barely-run engine less than a year after they were installed. Sonnofah...

I keep having these quick visions of rainy mountain tops. It's more of a feeling than an actual image. It makes me sentimental, but yet so miserable in the moment. I wish I could say I don't ever want to see/feel that again, but that's not true. It haunts me just the same way as mud puddles do. Beautful, and overpowering. A song that plays the harp of emotion.

I'm beginning to float again, which makes me hopeful of what may come. My center still feels a great weight, but I feel at ease. I had a 'vision', if you will, last week that ruined a great moment. Well, I guess it didn't ruin it completely, it was just more of a realization of the undefeatable greater powers. In terms of acceptance, there was little I could do to oppose.

Laying low has been hands down one of the best things I've done for myself in a while. I could care less about money, and I seem to be doing well for myself. I have become content in being a bit of a hermit. Maybe being forgotten isn't such a bad thing afterall. I can understand why people would retreat to a cave and lock themselves inside for years on end. I can understand why people would want to change their names or fake their own death to avoid being remembered. Not that I would, but having the desire to camouflage oneself from society and walk away from the undoings of the things around them, well, I'd like to think how wonderful it would be.


I should call Ryan tomorrow...um, today. I owe him a lot, and I think by next year he will need all the 'payback' he can get.
Speaking of payback, I guess I'll never see the rest of it. Once again, I am like a source that has run dry for others. Too bad I let myself believe that I could stand faithfully next to those who have fucked me over. I guess my heart will never learn, and I don't have enough brains to prevent it.

There are those mountains again. Maybe I'll be able to follow a river that carves it's course among them. I'm not sure what it means, and I really don't know if I want to pursue its cause. Maybe it is nothing, and I'll wake up one day...
"...Puzzled by the Mountain, tricked by the sea..."
Perfect timing.