Time Travel and the Expanses of Collapse

So, I have to get this out while there is still some of it left in my mind.

The other day I was minding my own business, when I realized a couple things. I can't remember what the first one was, but the second thought was about the continuity of death. It made me think of black holes.

The universe is, well, eternal. ETERNAL. That's a very, very, VERY hard thing to comprehend...or, is it?

Not really. Eternal is not the beginning or the end. It encompasses both as one. Black holes have a similar lifespan. Collected from the absence of life, a star, a nebula, an explosion. From a chemical reaction, to a crushing nothing, there is no existence of death. Did you see what I just typed? "...an absence of life..., to absence of death. That makes a lot of sense if you can understand the right pitch.

I do believe death is eternal, but not meant as in permanent. I don't believe there is a conscious life after death. Your physical self gets stripped down to molecules, but your true essence is stripped down to something more significant. Think of it as if your soul was made of atoms and particles. Death is merely a redistribution of them. Some get cast into the reaches of the universe, some get cast into the mind and body of a garden slug, and some just go into things that we have not discovered. If enough of them stay together, you might call it reincarnation.
[edited]
I typed up this long comparison of black holes and death, but found it to be to nerdy and redundant. So please, feel free to entertain yourself as you ponder this post. You might not get it, but you might just realize something else and make a completely off-topic, incoherent post about golfcarts and cheez-whiz. It might be intellectual, it might be sensational, it just might be remedial!

Dressed in Green

Hail, all the love that is a growling whisper, captured not by the sea nor the wind nor the frozen river.
In the sky, we stand, watching upon horizons that dance with the sunlight,
let us not believe that there will ever be night.
Beyond the grave of the waking dead, there will be a valley in which the rain does not pass;
Keep to the sky, and and do not glance back at the grasping flame,
make not a word that would tell of your existence,
Go with the wind into heavens,
and know not a single groan will wither thy spirit.

Shining Shades of Ochre

Man, I just have to say, I love my job, I love my coworkers, and I love being around my friends and family. Seriously.
I was beginning to think that I disliked tattooing. Nope. I just disliked working around negative and manipulative people. I was beginning to think I was alone. Not at all. Karma visits all who risk indifference.
My family thought I was dying, and I almost did. I thought my life had been trapped by the fists of misfortune. No. It was to make sure I knew how to rise against all things that oppress me.
I am fortunate. I am fortunate for many things. I try to be grateful for all these things.

I am awake. I am right where I need to be. I do not doubt my conscious. I KNOW my intentions were right. My adversaries will whither in their own bitterness. I know I am better than that.

I haven't much time, but I'm glad I've made it this far. Good company can ward off the most vile of intent. That is my talisman for all things that oppress me. I am fortunate that it is a simple thing to come by in this world.

Well, that's all for now. It has been a long day, and the night will be short. Until next time....

And once there was a ...ummmm.... what?

Ahh, updates. Yes.

Everything has been going very well. Work is steady, the holidays are almost here, and things are a'happenin'.

"Come and see, come and see..."

Well, I had a lot to say before I started typing this, now it seems I haven't much but a bunch of buzzing in my head zzZZZzZzzZZzZzZZ

Tomorrow I plan on doing nothing. Nada, zip, zero, zilch. It's probably for the best. I feel as though Saturday's marathon took a little bit more energy out of me than I thought. Not to mention, I've been drinking a lot of water which can make me feel worse.
I need a hair cut, too. It's getting pretty shaggy on the ol' melon.

Alright, well that was pretty pointless. More to come, I hope. Adios!

Level Up!

I ate too many pretzels, tonite. Their effect is slowly wearing off now, and I can focus on writing this so that I may get to bed.

I stayed at class late tonight, and I talked to Gina for 2 hours after class. I don't know how it managed to be two hours, but it was a very intricate conversation. My level of respect has gone up a few notches because of it. It's not that I didn't respect Gina before, oh no. Gina is awesome! I have more respect because she thought nothing of it.
I don't feel like such a weirdo after talking to her. Well, maybe weirdo isn't the word. I don't feel like I am so alone in what I feel and believe. I always hoped there were others that see the same things, and feel the same things, but after discussing it tonight, I feel like I truly found another of my 'feather.'

So anyways, I am right here where I need to be, no if, ands, or buts about it. This is where I have been led. The Great Fate has guided me closer to balance, even though I am kicking myself for not listening sooner. I pray that I can become closer to the Great Force and make my way to the deeper channel of life, beyond any mental eddies. I want to keep my composure in the face of adversity, and have a greater faith in Karma. I don't ever want to be consumed by bitterness.
I don't think I'm doing bad for myself in the least bit. I'm definitely not fighting to stay positive in a negative environment. I'm grateful I don't have that to worry about.

So down the line, I am confident of all that has happened, and all that may still happen. I just have to meditate a little harder, and try to do it as much as I can, when I can. I want to be at that level that I saw in another human being tonight. I don't want to surpass it right now, I just want to be there.

That's it, that's all I have for my littler blurb right now. Stay tuned for more to come!

'Centered, Grounded, Guided.'

Well, I'm starting to write this at 3:39 AM. I am wide awake because, well, I am. Part of the norm and all. I just finished writing an email to a guy I have never met. I wrote to him because I want him to know his story is the same story a few of us have learned.
It goes back to my saying that history repeats itself, and unless you figure out what you are doing wrong, you are going to live it and relive it all over again. Once the situation becomes new, then you know you have successfully learned and moved on to the next level.

Not for some, though. I think that it is funny that there are completely irrational people that blame others for problems that are a chain of events initiated by their own egotistical reactions. We all have blamed someone for doing something 'on purpose (regardless of that person's true intentions), but once the situation is analyzed, one would usually realize that the initial effect is typically beyond all control. It's things like road rage, where not being aware of your blindspot might cause you to cut someone off. In retaliation, that person follows you, clinging to your bumper, swearing, making obscene gestures, and eventually driving you off the road. Your demise has barely satisfied their need to retaliate. That's irrational.

It's also a parallel to Psychological Projection, but that's a whole other rant.

In any case, the point that I'm trying to illustrate is that the deeply afflicted irrational do not move on. They brood themselves into nothing. Their hatred and malice eventually consume them. Those that do not express spite resolve themselves with apathy.

I don't know what's worse, to be consumed by your own bitterness, or wither away because you feel nothing at all.


So for all those who have recently (or ultimately) been wronged by an irrational monster, I wish you peace. It is the only way to conquer that which has no soul.

It is 4:51 now. I think I have attempted to write a relevant rant. If I have not succeeded, please send all comments to the complaint department. The will be promptly evaluated and responded to.

This is Happening.

It seems so long ago, it seems so far away ago;
Where the arrows of Jupiter cannot break the woven shackles of the hopeless,
I'm there and gone.
and the days flood all over again.


I have reached the full circle, and I am back where I had left off. It's not a bad thing by any means. I only wish I was able to do it sooner. I am reminded, though, that such expedited fortunes are reserved for the apathetic.

I don't feel the cold as much. The phantom scents are the only persistent reminder of that empty blue room. Well, that and a few notes of familiar songs.
I still miss him. At least that lonely graveyard returned one person back into my life. I cannot even reverse the memories and expel them into a visual construction. They are simply too destructive to release there. Even thinking about it for longer than a minute could be enough to let them inhabit my dreams. I want it gone for good.

It's getting there.

I was walking one day, and I felt like I never left. I found some old oil paintings, and they smelled like warmth and comfort.
I realized there is a gap in my sketchbook that no matter how hard I'd like to fill it with those missing memories, there will simply be no way to do it, or do it without shredding this puzzle piece heart.

I'll always remember rain, I'll always remember how gray the mountains made everything seem. I'll always remember cutting the puddles at night, the mist in the endless fields, the marsh and the shade. I'll always remember the signs that told me to leave before I even arrived.
The Black Dog omen still haunts me. When I awoke, I quickly rendered the beast. It's buried in my box somewhere. I think that's the best place for it.

I hope Winter will return this year to assure that things have been made right. I haven't much time left, and I don't want to be a ghost.

I apologize that this entry didn't make much sense from the outside. Insomnia tends to awaken more then just my physical being. That being the case, my fingers just follow step. I'll attempt to make a more coherent post at a later time.